Culver Community Church
Pastor Chris Sweeney
Sermon Notes
September 02, 2018
Matthew 19:1 – 15 Marriage & Divorce (Part 2)
Today we pick up the text at verse seven (7) to hear the Pharisees response and the disciples thoughts -
{vs. 7} So after listening to Jesus’ answer, the Pharisees most likely disappointed – because how could they argue or find fault with what was said directly by God! So they move on to part two of the trap – if your position is not to divorce, then why does God’s Word, why did Moses ‘command’ that a man give divorce papers. This is so strange, because the way they ask the question it sounds like Moses demanded that every husband divorce and give papers to their spouses. If this were ever implemented, it would destroy marriage and the family unit in one swift stroke!
What the Pharisees are talking about is found in Deuteronomy 24:1-4. This is the basis for their opinions about divorce, but it is far from a clear, definitive doctrine. No, in fact I believe that God specifically left this area undocumented in scripture so that His Word could not be twisted and used to justify bad behavior – just as the Pharisees were doing (just as many Christians today)! I have actually heard believers who have said “I have looked long and hard to justify my course of action!” The Bible is not designed to validate our opinions, it is given so that we might know the mind of God and know how we should adjust our thinking and behavior! The mental gymnastics that people (supposed Bible believing people) will go to is amazing! If adultery is cause, then is it cause if my husband looks at another woman and commits adultery in his heart? What about abuse – physical, verbal, mental, economic, etc.? I’m sure we can make any cause (like the Pharisees) into some sort of abuse (not making light of abuse).
So let’s begin by looking at this text to see what it does say and what they had interpreted it to mean.
If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, {2} and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, {3} and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, {4} then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the LORD. Do not bring sin upon the land the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance. - Deuteronomy 24:1-4 NIV
Ok, so this is the only scripture that even hinted at regulations for or reason(s) to divorce (at least in the Pharisees minds). In this text, we have one long complicated if . . . then command and a second sentence as commentary. These ‘religious men’ had based their whole doctrine of divorce on that one phrase “he finds something indecent about her”. It is important to note that the ‘if’s or conditions found in these verses are not commands but they are the setting for the ‘then’ command to become binding or to apply. This text describes a woman, who is divorced from her husband and hints at the process: the man would give a certificate of divorce (for her protection and rights) and then send her away. The certificate is what enabled that woman to go out and find another husband, to provide for herself and prove that she was not some woman of low morals looking for an opportunity to commit adultery. Without that certificate, no upstanding man would consider taking her into his home. In this culture, if she had no husband and could not remarry her only hopes were either that her father (if he was still alive) would take her in, slavery or prostitution! This is the purpose behind the certificate of divorce - - - to protect the ‘weaker vessel’, the one with less power who needed protection from abandonment or abuse! The actual command found in this text is that a woman like this, who divorced once and then either divorced again or was widowed from her new husband could not return to her original husband, the one who had put her away. In God’s eyes this would be equivalent to bed swapping and as the commentary sentence says, it would be detestable and defile the land! What has be put asunder should not be reunited – divorce is serious!
Of course, Moses didn't command divorce. Nowhere in scripture did the Law or Moses ever command divorce. He didn't command it, he didn't condone it, and he didn't excuse it! God hates all sin because it hurts His children; but the Word specifically states, "God hates divorce" (Malachi 2:16). This sin deserves special mention because of the widespread devastation. Proverbs 6:32 says “But a man who commits adultery has no sense [is an utter fool]; whoever does so destroys himself.” When you are inescapably joined to another person – it only makes sense to care for and protect them. Divorce kills the God formed union, which God sees not as some organizational unit but as one conjoined being! In God’s sight, a spouse is no longer a person but half of the married whole!
There is one and only one incident when God directs divorce – after returning from exile, the small remnant of Israel was intermarrying with wicked idolaters (which was forbidden by the Law) and the nation, the religion, the bloodline and yes, even the Messiah were at risk (Ezra 9 & 10). Not only were these foreigners, but they also worshipped false gods through sexual practices/sins – inviting God’s wrath (and STD’s)!
The other notable picture of divorce in the Old Testament is that of God, Himself who pictures Himself as married to Israel (much like Christ and the Church), He issued a decree of divorce after seven hundred years of idolatry (spiritual adultery)! So, we have an argument for patience and forgiveness in the face of unfaithfulness in this example! However, God woed back, remarried and covers her uncleanness (sins) making her His bride again - - - displaying an unbelievable devotion (Isaiah 50:1; Jeremiah 3; and the whole book of Hosea).
As with every part of the Law (God’s design) - - - as soon as God gave it, it quickly became apparent that we can’t (won’t) keep it because of sin! God designed marriage to be a physical union (that is also emotional and spiritual). It can be broken in two ways – death or divorce. When the physical body dies, so does the union/marriage (Romans 7). The second way, divorce is allowed because of sin – our willful refusal to follow God’s design!
{vs. 8-9} Jesus tells us that Moses only allowed divorce out of a recognition that our sinful natures would demand it (“because of the hardness of your hearts”). There are two ways that a heart can be hardened (and two hearts in a marriage). One is the hardening against God’s will and design, the selfish chasing after one’s sinful desires. The other is a heart that is hardened through pain (often repeated suffering), like a callous we tend to try to protect ourselves from the pain. These both are the reasons for divorce – sin and an unwillingness to forgive. God who is merciful ‘puts up with’ (and can forgive) the sin of divorce because His purpose is to protect – it would be far more damaging to require a person to stay in a marriage, where their partner constantly, unrepentantly breaks their vows. He has not put divorce into the Law, but in a case by case basis Moses (as their judge) allowed for it. God does not want anyone resented, mistreated and perhaps abused, it is better to suffer the damage caused by divorce than to allow these behaviors to go on. Ruth Graham was once asked if she ever considered divorce to which she replied, “divorce, no – murder, yes”. While she was joking, there are situations where being forced to stay in a marriage (stay in a home) could be abusive and even life threatening.
In verse 9 Jesus reaffirms the serious nature of divorce (don’t do it) by stating any reason is not acceptable, only sexual immorality (pornea – a broad term including all sexual sins). He does not say adultery because the Jews of His day thought that only sex with a married Jewess (not your wife) was adultery! They believed relations with slaves, prostitutes, unmarried virgins and foreigners did not constitute adultery! Any sexual sin, any intimate relations outside of that sacred union damages the nature of marriage by trying to bring another into the mix, into a union built for two! Whether that intruder is a fantasy (imagined) or real! Looking on a women with lust, reading romance novels or movies of the week with lust or just becoming emotionally intimate with a coworker – they all erode the relationship and cause us to push away from instead of cleaving to our spouse. However, even after such sins – God does not command divorce but He allows for it. However, these sins (even unthinkable sins) can be forgiven and the damage repaired by God. Divorce (the second deadly blow to marriage) is allowed (not commanded) because of damage to the couple (jointly, you cannot just hurt one half of a married couple – anything that hurts one partner damages the whole!) and the nature of ‘two become one flesh’.
{vs. 10-12} The young (mostly teenagers) and unmarried disciples (we know Peter was married, but we don’t believe any others were) heard this teaching and jumped to a startling conclusion “then it’s better to stay single!” Jesus knows this is not for everyone but there are three specific groups who can receive this: 1) eunuchs by birth, those who either by physical, social or mental problems are not capable of or have no desire to consummate or commit to marriage; 2) man-made eunuchs, either intentionally or by accident these have been rendered like the first group. This was common for servants with great responsibility (especially those watching over harems); and 3) those who have chosen to be eunuchs (not physically) for God and His Kingdom (like Paul). These must have a gifting or special ability to remain celibate without falling into sin. This is not the norm, can be lonely and is not easy but it frees them from the responsibilities of marriage and family to allow them a special type of unencumbered service.
The “one who can accept this” is a great turn of phrase in the Greek it means one who has space, or room for it. This gives us the image of making space in our minds or lives for this large (difficult) idea (Imagine if you will an oversized couch that just won’t fit into the living room!).
{vs. 13-15} The disciples, probably still thinking about this and maybe a little bent out of shape respond poorly to the parents and children. However, God I believe leaves this here to remind us that Godly Children are what God seeks from godly marriages (Malachi 2:15) and to refocus the group back to the Kingdom of Heaven and Jesus’ ministry!